Clear as Mud

iBFer Tent Meeting “Nitpickers Nags and Nere-do-wells on Parade”

I get the feeling some people read my blog just to nitpick and find fault.  (By the way, did you know a nit is a louse egg, of course you did IFB people know all about lice because we run busses.) Well that is just fine, I don’t mind, and I like seeing the extra views you give me on my site stats.  For your sake and for the sake of my huge and growing army of malcontents and lost sheep let me share some interesting stats with you…you know, so you don’t stay up late at night worrying about all the souls I am leading astray with my wicked back biting blog which warns people about manipulative scoundrels, emoti-tyrants, and pedophiles like Jack Schaap.  (On this blog I just call them iBFers)

I average 11 views per day on my blog. Keep in mind this is an average.  My top day is 168 views my worst day is 0 views of which there have been many.  Now I could go all evangelist or Hyles on you and tell you that thousands read my blog but that would just be untrue. (11 x 365 = 4015 thousands read my blog) In one year of blogging I have posted 14 times wich means I average 1.16 posts per month.  The real numbers look like this. Last August I posted 5, which is 36% of my total blogging effort.   September 2011 I posted 2 which is 14% of my total blogging effort.  October, November and December 2011 I posted a grand total of 0 times.  January, February, and March of 2012 I doubled my previous three months effort and posted 0 times.  For six months I was silent and posted nothing.  I have only posted blogs in three of the tweleve months of the year which means I only post 25% of the year.  In all of 2011 I posted 50% of my total blogging effort.  In March of 2012 I posted 5 blogs which is again 36% of my TBE (total blogging effort) and in August of this year, coming full circle on the year,  I have posted  twice, (14% TBE) not including this one, which is not represented in these statistics, because I have not yet posted it, but by the time I have posted it you will have read it which makes the middle part of this sentence untrue, ergo I am a liar…you’re welcome my dear detractors, Christmas has come early for you, and you now have proof I am a liar.

I have received many complaints, relatively speaking which is to say about 5 +or-3 which is standard, that my efforts are going to lead many astray.  Funny, I thought the lost soul’s refusal to accept Christ as Savior (I should have King Jamesified that and spelt it Saviour) is what condemned a soul to Hell, not reading the insignificant blogs of a bitter mal-contented and now liberal  ex-preacher who is not fit to latch the shoes of Jack Hyles???  I enjoy using humor; if you don’t like it maybe you need to go to Wendy’s and get yourself a Biggie Size sense of humor! LOL! LMBO, FOTFLMBO, FOTFTLMBOBIHAHAHTGTTHIAGS (falling on the floor to laugh my butt off but I hit a hammer and had to go to the hospital instead and get stitches)

Wendy’s Biggie Size…you know the drill!

To try and dissuade me from my blog by claiming that I am going to lead people astray is sanctimonious, and ridiculous.  I don’t think lost people read my blog, and if they do I hope I lead every single one of them astray of iBFer churches.  If you are lost please, I beg you,  for the love of God don’t go to a church where you observe the things I have written about in my blog.  Go find a good IFB church or a good Bible church or a good SBC church where the gospel is preached and not tied to what kind of Bible version you use, or britches on women, or the music you listen to, or whether or not you are properly worshipping the pastor, visiting evangelist, or pet mission of the week.  If you are lost go check our an Assembly of God church, or Church of God, yeah, that’s right, I am leading them astray…I am leading them astray of you devils who would corrupt them and turn them into mind numbed followers of your silly rules which I am convinced make God sick, and I know for sure they make me sick…but this is a post about stats so let me get back to it.

I have heard reports about some preachers standing in pulpits and declaring things like this: “If a tweet, a Facebook and a blog is all you have, you don’t have a ministry.” in an effort to discredit me and make my blog seem insignificant and meaningless.  What is that saying about excrement and Sherlock Holmes?  I am not trying to win souls with my blog *gasp* I am not trying to have a ministry with my blog *gasp gasp* I am not even trying to convince those who have lost the power of critical thinking to agree with or grant their approval of my blog.  Frankly I don’t care if you like it or not.  I don’t care if you agree with it or not.  I am not making any money on this, I am not making any friends with this, and I am not trying to wield influence over the masses (average 11 views per day) that view (because you really can’t prove they read it) my blog.

When I get around to posting something it receives a ton of views, and by ton I mean more than 11.  From the bottom of my heart I thank you for viewing it.  When I post something my numbers spike and I get a ton of views.  This last week I had 349 views which is more people than (insert the name of your favorite iBFer evangelist here) preached to at his last tent meeting or (insert the name of your favorite iBFer pastor here) has preached to all month.  Of course those iBFer preachers are probably responsible for half of those views so I really don’t know what to think?

For those of you who encourage me and enjoy my blog I say thank you.  Thank you for all of your comments and suggestions, for your support and well wishes.  Some of you have disagreed with some of the things I have said, and I thank you for that as well.  I appreciate people like Holly Gilliam who can make a well-reasoned and respectful disagreement.  I appreciate the gentle disagreement of Justin Levine, who has also made well-reasoned and respectful statements in the comments on my blog.  Disagreement does not equal broken fellowship for people who have the ability to utilize critical thinking and decorum.  Others have made comments that are not favorable to what I have writen and I would name you and thank you but I don’t want this post to go on forever because you will stop reading it!!!  That is…if you are reading it at all.

I am not going to stop blogging.  I wish I had the tenacity of my wife who sometimes posts two or three blogs a day, but I don’t.   Looking at my stats I can only blog in August, September and March.  I owe you a few more this month and I plan to deliver….but who knows…..

 

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8 responses to “Clear as Mud

  1. Hi Jason! I have followed your blog the past week. In it I see the therapy it provides- I think I might begin one-lol:) Sending love & prayers (not from any specific church, gasp 🙂 love& healing to u & family.

  2. I certainly enjoy your posts though some of them sadden me. Thank you for your frankness and openness in sharing. God bless you, miss and pray for you and your family!

  3. hey bro little, i enjoy reading your blogs and i just want to say thank you for posting them. I miss you guys.

  4. I read your blogs all the time.. Great Stuff.. This is the first one I feel like I have to study for.. 😦 Are we going to be graded on a curve for the math section?) I hate math.. OBTWLOLCMLOLWIMH (ohbythewaylolcanmeanlotsoflovewhichitmeanshere)

    one smelly donkey!

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