Why You Should not Vote for Romney

Romney is a freaking Mormon.  Mormons believe there are little blue men on the moon dressed like Quakers, Mormons believe you have to wear magic underware, and Romney has them on right now.  Mormons believe that Jesus came to America and preached to the lost tribes of Israel.  Mormons believe that Jesus and Adam are one and the same.  They believe Elohim was a man living on a planed called Kolob and Elohim achieved godhood through his own virtuous living.  Mormons think men who only have one wife are under-achievers, Mormons believe women should have kids till their uterus falls out, and Mormons teach their kids to knock on strangers doors before they teach them to walk.  Mormons are a false religion at best with strong whacko-cult drink the Koolaid kind of tendencies.  Except for Steve Young and John Heder (Napoleon Dynamite) who despite being Mormon are pretty sweet….gosh!

Mitt Romney claims to be a conservative, but he is just a stinking liberal in a black suit with a red tie.  Mitt Romney will destroy this country and turn us all into cannibalistic polygamists.  Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaacccccccccccchhhhhhhhh (squealing the breaks)

We are not electing a pastor, we are electing a President.  Romney’s religious views are no more strange than Obama’s.  Obama’s pastor is a certifiable nut job, that is unless Obama’s pastor is actually an Imam, which is still a nut job, but not a pastor.  Truth is we have no idea what Obama’s real views on spiritual matters is, and voting for a third-party candidate is the same thing as not voting.  If you voted for or are planning to vote for a third-party candidate please send me $100.00, because obviously it doesn’t bother you to throw away important things.

If we base our vote on a spiritual criteria we have problems as Independent Fundamental Baptists.  Bush is a stinking Methodist, his daddy is Episcopal, Reagan was Disciples of Christ, Ford was Episcopalian, Nixon was a Quaker of all things, Johnson was a S.O.B. Kennedy was a Catholic, and Eisenhower may or may not have been a Jehovah’s Witness.  The only Baptist presidents were (hold your nose) Clinton, Carter, Truman, and Harding.  The first three are Democrats and Harding was a Republican.  So if we use some basic messed up logic here we, as Baptists, should vote for the Democrats. …NOT!

In all seriousness, please do not allow the fact that Romney is a Mormon dissuade you from voting for him.  None of our conservative icons were Baptist, and some of them had some messed up spiritual views.  I hope we get some change today and Romney takes this election in a landslide.  I voted for him last week with a crowd of people…at a Baptist church. (Southern Baptist that is)

If I was a Democrat I would tell you vote early, vote often, but I believe in one man one vote, so go vote, even if you are not a man! Please remember all those who are voting for Obama must vote on Wednesday.

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4 responses to “Why You Should not Vote for Romney

  1. Is Being a Muslim any better?

  2. Yes, Sir.. Guilty as Charged.. !!!! Thanks 🙂 Was busy with customers.. I should have taken the time to complete the story before putting my foot in my mouth, but as you well know, I am good for that. Thanks again. Still missing you guys lots.. but I Am eating Venison!

  3. Eating venison may become a necessity in the next four years. I wish we were up there with you!!

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